Delays, Delays

alt: Hurry up and Wait

[I shouldn't have written all this here - this is a rambling journal entry I thought was going to be about waiting in airports. Sorry if that's not what you're into.]

I'm not a patient person by nature. If I'm not vigilent, I get very grumpy very quickly about things not moving fast enough (and, of course, complain about not getting anything done in the times that I could have completed some task or other). While I try to slow things down, there is some addiction to new information that I possess and must constantly struggle against.

When traveling, delays happen. Things take time. Whether it's a train being hours late to pull into a station while only a mere mile or two away or sitting in a Thai bus station without a ticket, nervously sipping coffee hoping that the connecting bus, whenever it shows up, will let you on despite the driver of the first bus having the ticket, there are times one has to take deep breaths, relax, and maybe open a book.

Bigger delays happen too. Waiting for friends to start their own travels. Waiting for the weather to get warmer before changing countries. Waiting for Bitcoin to climb back up to a price where you don't mind selling a little. Waiting for one of your strategically bought CDs to mature so you have a bit more liquidity. Waiting to physically and mentally recover from spending so little time in so many cities.

I'm constantly fighting (and often failing) to be more patient. In small things, it's picking up the phone and texting friends or listening to podcasts. In big things it's feeling like nothing's ever going to come together in my favor and I must go, do, and GET OUT NOW. In the latter case, thankfully, I generally look out for my future self and trust my past self, so if it's a day, week, month, or five years (my past plan to buy a house), I just need to remember to trust myself. In small things, however, I'm less successful.

To focus on the small: well, my phone's a problem. Podcasts are probably my biggest problem at the moment as they tie my brain up in distraction. If my goal is to publish some fiction, well, I need to write some fiction. To that end, I should institute some new rule. Perhaps no podcast if there's a possibility of me writing in the next two hours? More? No podcasts before I've written my page for the day? What about texts? What about the infinite scrolling of social media? What about any of the stupid things I do to distract myself from being patient?

What is a reasonable strategy to be more patient? To suck in more of the world (and, indeed, spit some of it back out on paper)? If I'm to look out for my future self, what rule should I follow?

How about this: music when my hands aren't free, writing when they are. After I've finished a page - even if it takes all day - I can have my treat and listen to a podcast or check reddit or answer a text. I think that's fair. I'll give it a go tomorrow (May 30, 2019) and see if it helps.